In our second guided meditation in this series, I want to build on what we spoke about yesterday: noting and also showing compassion and curiosity to what shows up.
And let me know how it goes for you.
In our second guided meditation in this series, I want to build on what we spoke about yesterday: noting and also showing compassion and curiosity to what shows up.
And let me know how it goes for you.
January 21, 2018
This first guided meditation is an acknowledgment of my teacher Tara Brach, her words and her methods which are sprinkled throughout my guided meditation.
My initial goal is two-fold: To get you used to a “sit,” quietly for ten minutes a day AND to help you to create a quiet (and safe) clearing in the woods, where you can begin or to continue to see your life more clearly.
I will be doing a new guided meditation this week for Seven Days. I call this Seven Days Search For Joy. I hope you find it helpful.
This morning I listened to Tara Brach’s podcast on Trust. I’d like to apply her concept of the Portal of Freedom head on. Unless we learn to trust ourselves deeply, we feel separate, sometimes anxious and are limited.
No one us want to live a limited life. I want to get the most out of every moment on Earth. Don’t you? Sure, you do.
And yet, if I told you that all you had to do was “listen to yourself” deeply, you would turn me off and probably continue to look else where for an answer. Frankly, I don’t mind if you turn me off. Just do not turn YOURSELF OFF.
I finished off yesterday in a funk. Without going into why because it does not really matter (I really believe that), I knew my mind had changed state and that I was not in what I’d call my optimistic state of mind. I watched it happen. I was aware that my mind had shifted and was like wow, I’m in a funk, what do I feel, what thoughts are going thru my mind? I literally watched myself in it and thru it – which itself I am quite proud of. Often, we are not aware that we are in a funk until after we pass thru it – but this time, I say my shoulders roll in, I felt a tightening
I was aware that my mind had shifted and was like wow, “I’m in a funk.” I asked myself, “what do I feel, what thoughts are going thru my mind?” I literally watched myself in it and thru it – which itself I am quite proud of (and, no big deal, you probably do this too). Often, we are not aware that we are in a funk until after we pass thru it – but this time, I saw my shoulders roll in, I felt a tightening under my left breast muscle and my neck felt tighter. I even was aware that my mind felt “tight,” what ever that means to you. It is the closest word I can describe. I felt limited, quiet and a bit withdrawn. I could see it actually.
So what did I do to change the state?
Well, first, my meditation practice* which is a practice of listening and watching all thoughts and feelings took note. “Took note?” You wonder?
“Took note?” You wonder?
Yup. When I started an almost everyday meditation practice I thought the goal was stillness but for me it has become more about simply listening and taking inventory, not mere stillness. By being still in my mind and not chasing any one thing, I can see and more accurately listen to tons of thoughts and even listen and feel for feelings. I’m just sitting there saying to myself: “Hello thought coming from the left side,” “Hello feeling in my left shoulder,” etc. etc.
Then, to take up Tara Brach’s observation, I can begin to trust myself. I know that word is a loaded word but really. Once I begin to listen to myself, and not get baited into one or another thought and feeling, I arrive in this place of a big smile.
“A big smile?”
Yes. I caught myself smiling as I just sit there on my internal river bank, watching all of these things flow. I am not one of the things, I am all of them. I am limitless.
And with that, I build these (to borrow a word, I think, from Master Systema Martin Wheeler teacher) “little kernels of confidence).
If you keep an “I Wish Journal” or set your intentions every day, maybe you will envision what it looks like to trust yourself to listen to yourself.
Maybe you’ll envision what that looks like if you could hear everything inside your mind and body.
What would that look like for you?
And how would it feel in your mind? What about how it would feel in your body?
And what would it feel like to trust yourself? Despite all of your quirks?
For me, it is mostly wonderful because I know I control so little. And yet, if I can trust myself and also get better at listening to myself (aka to truly know my gut), how limitless will life be? Wow. Quite.
Have a great day.
*If you’d like to chat about my meditation practice or want free help with yours, please just ask.
Check out my other writings on Thrive Journal: https://journal.thriveglobal.com/@garutch
Ps. This takes my other concepts from outside Does Your Mind Search Search for Joy?, to a purely internal search.
pss. Tara Brach reminds us that “Namaste” technically refers to: I see the good ness in you. She suggests we start by seeing the goodness inside our self. For more on Tara Brach
More time must be spent on the tools that help us now. For me, it is belly breathing.
I hear many words like “stuck”, and “sudden onset of uncomfortable feelings”, “anxiety”, “fear” as words that describe being stuck. Your words may not be my words but we may share the feelings.
I want to share something that I have found that has helped me tremendously, and it helps instantly.
Question: Do you have a breathing practice?
Huh? you say?
Well, you wake up, brush your teeth and probably do some exercise, maybe have a yoga and maybe even have started meditation. A practice is something that requires near daily dedication. Say that out loud, daily dedication is a practice.
It takes practice – daily or near daily – to develop a practice. But the pay off is huge. If you learn how to belly breathe, you will tap into your vagus nerve – that runs from behind your neck down your throat and behind your heart and into your belly to bring about physical calming. Google vagus nerve.
Let’s jump right in!
Here is step one of belly breathing. Let me know if this helps you get started.
Do you notice how I use the hand and finger simply as guides?
Does it help you to see what I am trying to do?
Please let me know your thoughts below. Thanks.
Well, Let me tell you a quick story.
Recently I was about to negotiate an agreement and took a moment to see whether I could connect deeply with the person on the other side OR if they would let me connect.
Because they did not want to engage in small talk and quickly desired “to get down to business”, I was reminded to simply listen for what that meant about the agreement I could possibly forge. So after our first session, I went for a run and had an epiphany I’d like to share that may apply universally.
If you don’t list to podcasts, you need to start and listen to this particular one.
This morning on my run, I listened to Krista Tippet’s 2015 interview of Martin Sheen (link).
Yup, the actor. Never expected what I heard but I wished I had heard it before.
He spoke directly to love and joy. It isn’t about religion but it is about spirituality.
For example, he saw himself at a very young age as an actor on the screen.
“I think all children know at a young age something deeply personal about themselves that is hard to communicate…”
But it was what happened from minute 31:00, that made me really think.
Sheen is asked to talk about “love” – and he says:
“Yeah, the love that I longed for, and I think all of us really long for, is knowing that we are loved. A knowingness about our being that unites us to all of humanity, to all of the universe. That despite ourselves, we are loved. And when you realize that, you begin to look at everyone else and you can see very clearly who in your vision knows they’re loved and who does not. And that makes all the difference.
He isn’t talking about being loved by someone else.
In fact, he acknowledges that the love that he has for his wife of decades is deep and real. “I’m deeply loved. I am married to one of the great people I’ve known in my life…”
He is talking about a deep inner love- a knowingness love – that is internal – that is linked to the self that never ages. That inner self that we must cultivate.
I think a “knowingness” of love – of ourselves is learnable.
Here is the complete dialogue below:
I think it is important to note a few elements that Sheen adds to help us on our journey – compassion and being of or in service to others. I agree. In fact, when we look at Buddha’s teachings – empathy comes from being in service to others.
Finally, Sheen leads us to one of the purposes of our endeavor – “experiencing true, personal joy.” We all go about getting there a different way but when I listened to Sheen’s own words, his humility, and the awareness that it gave him into his self – I felt awe.
In his own words,
Profound for sure.
If not for joy, then what is it all for. If all we do in life is to teach ourselves to truly know that we are loved AND to find joy (at least more joy than pain), then haven’t we accomplished something truly meaningful for ourselves?
I urge you to listen and to share your comments with me. I’d love to hear from you.
And please subscribe to my blog.
You wake up exhausted again and by 2:30 or 3 pm, you are a bit downtrodden, right?
You have not made any progress on your long list of to-dos and you keep getting caught up in forgetting to do what the others in your life (co-workers, life partners, clients) need you to do first in their list of priorities.
Until, of course you change your mindset.
Rather than end your day with a list of things you gotta do, end your day asking your brain to “search for joy.”
Literally do a bit of self-talk and say “ok, mind that is all powerful and working all the time, go out there into my world and search for joy.” Just try it. It cannot hurt. Science tells us that the brain is task oriented. And if you give it the task to “search for joy” while you sleep, after a few days of this, or even that very first night for some of you, it will find little tidbits of joy.
Upon waking, many successful folks express gratitude for all of the great things they have in their lives, the people, the feelings, their health. Well, I also use this opportunity – those first waking moments to ask my brain “today, search for joy.”
The results for me include:
My goal is simple: If I can experience some joy today, and tomorrow, and the next day, then my life is linked by joy. Joy is how I remember yesterday if I searched for some joy and found even a little.
It can be as simple as making your first cup of coffee. Watch the hot water hit the coffee grounds and turn them into coffee.
So, tell me, can you join me in a daily “search for joy” practice?
Let me know how it works for you in the comments below or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
And, remember to search for joy.
Busy people do not have time to “self-reflect,” I often hear.
Getting perspective is only useful if it makes us (a) more effective; (b) helps us see ourselves and/or our goals more clearly; and (c) brings joy. These three things are components of what I would suggest equate to something being “useful.”
Most of us whose day starts at sunrise, like mine, it is true, there is not much time for all of our responsibilities.
What is “self-reflection”?
For me, it is getting a perspective of myself from some distance. When we are stressed, mired in something, struggling emotionally or even having a hard time seeing a way out in a work, relationship or even athletic situation (ie. martial arts), having someone who we trust, who is watching us, tell us what they see – ie mirroring – and suggest some openings, a trail, a path, a way thru, we can get to the otherwise. Self- reflecting is doing this practice for ourselves. It is not something we can always do immediately and in some situations, we cannot get the perspective. But is it an objectivity we can develop.
Recently I listened to the Tim Ferris Podcast featuring Krista Tippett and I challenge you – don’t you have ten (10) minutes a day for meaningful self-reflection?
Are you a natural at self-reflection?
Do you practice?
What are some ways that you get some perspective?
What did you learn when you go that perspective? Did you feel like you had a new tool that you could bring forward with you and apply in other situations?
Email me some of your tricks when it comes to your “self-reflection” practice.
In yoga today, I almost fell over when we moved into “triangle pose”, also known as trikonasana.
The point is, how we move into and out of things makes all of the difference to what happens once we arrive. After I almost fell, it took me a few breaths – or maybe I even held my breath – to recover and I then had some negative thoughts about how I should have paid more attention to what I was doing while I was doing it. There I said it: In order to achieve big goals, you MUST pay attention to what you are doing each step of the way. If you focus on the big goal and not on the little steps going towards your goal, you will never arrive.
Well, you may arrive. It is not fair for me to say you won’t arrive. You will simply arrive and spend the first while readjusting, reacting too, reverberating from what ever happened on your journey.
Does all of this sound too metaphysical to you? Let me bring it down to the level of say a Bar Exam.
As you may know, the Bar Exam has an essay day. I am coaching several folks who are studying now for the February 2017 Bar Exam and several have asked me: “Shouldn’t I just start memorizing as many rules that I can now?”
My answer is no.
My answer is: You should focus on writing out correct answers to every single correct answer you can find to any bar essay question. Get your mind used to writing out the correct answers, the very sample answers in the back of your bar exam booklet. That exercise of writing out say one hundred (100 = 2 per day for 50 days of study) is not really enough, but it will get you there. Then, your brain will already be adept at the small steps of writing out correct answers.
Each word in a Bar Exam question is a trigger word. What I mean is that each word allows you to tell the reader in your answer that you know your stuff and that they can move on. So by focusing on writing out correct answers, taken from the sample answer in the back of your exam prep course, you are focusing on the small steps needed to get thru the big goal.
Now go out there and write out your two correct answers for today.
I don’t know about you BUT when my SLEEP is INTERRUPTED I am in trouble.
- Science proves that mediation helps sleep and reduces anxiety.
- Meditation can be either focused meditation (on a word, on your breath); it can be body scan meditation or it can be TM.
- It is easy to learn and HIGHLY EFFECTIVE.
- THERE ARE NO SIDE EFFECTS. Unlike drugs or meds or booze.
I couldn’t believe they said SCIENCE now PROVES it!
I didn’t need science. I am on my sixth straight day of consecutive meditation using the CALM APP (https://www.calm.com/) which is FREE and have logged 88 total meditation sessions in 2016.
So, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR.
Two weeks from now but many, many years ago- twenty four to be exact – I was all ready to start studying for the Bar. The New York Bar was my first. I studied from a hotel in Philadelphia. Actually, I vaguely remember feeling a bit anxious and wonder. How on earth was I going to study twenty two subjects – yup that is what the syllabus said – for the New York bar?! Bar bri hadn’t even started yet and I was having a bit of trouble sleeping. My mind was racing with anxiety. I could not afford to fail the exam because I was off to a Fellowship as soon as the bar ended. Even though I did quite well on law school exams, I knew that “the Bar” was a different animal. Or at least that is how my mind started off.
For many, this discussion is familiar and some find it embarrassing to admit. They too have anxiety about starting to study for the Bar. Oh did I wish someone would take my hand and just guide me through the process. You know, like the runners who run with newbies running their first marathon. Well, here I am for you.
I had signed up for Bar Bri in my very first semester of law school. My cousin encouraged me to go find that “Bar Bri table” at orientation and pay the deposit even though I had no idea what Bar Bri was. I did it because I trusted her. But still what was I up for? I could forget about it for three years but now I was about to start the course.
THREE STEPS TO SUCCESS
What I did next, and repeated throughout my next eight weeks of prep, made all the difference in the world. I repeated it again four years later when I studied and passed the California Bar. I call it my three steps to success. Spoiler alert: I passed the New York Bar and Connecticut Bar without a problem.
Oh and ONE MORE THING
But before I share these pearls from my experience, I have one more thing to share.
Trust the Bar Bri program. I have found that Bar Bri does an incredible job of identifying the what. There is no need to ask them why. They have tested it. You signed up presumably on the referral of someone who used them to pass. And, if that is not the case, you are hearing it from me now. They know their stuff. If you follow their what, you will be over prepared which means it will not strain you. It is better to walk over the Bar than to hit your head on it. Right? Once I accepted that I could trust that they had identified the WHAT for me, I stopped asking why. I stopped asking about the problems that I or a classmate found in the practice answers that I thought was wrong. It isn’t wrong. I stopped asking questions about whether I should do more than the 50 MBE questions assigned each night. No need unless I wanted to for the heck of it. I stopped asking whether I should take another course on top of Bar Bri. The answer is, if you do what they assign, it is NOT necessary. Do you hear me? I trusted what they gave me to study and so should you. It works.I passed three bars with it and I am just a normal person.
Step one: It is all about me. I knew by now that I felt best everyday when I did some exercise to sweat. If that is not the case for you then what does make you feel good everyday. Schedule it in your study schedule. Back then, I was a treadmill runner – I know that is a sad admission but it is true. I can picture myself running on the treadmill in the mornings after my first cup of coffee before every single Bar Bri class just to get my blood flowing. I would run again at night – with flash cards once I got into the studying. I will write about what was on those flash cards later. By coming up with an organized schedule of non-negotiables – things I had to do for me – I knew I could have some control over the craziness of the eight week study marathon that was to begin.
My non-negotiables included exercise, making and eating healthy dinners and scheduled break times. I also scheduled my study time so that I knew it was there. I scheduled rewards of break time with friends or “TV zone out time” (now known as binge watching) right after so I could look forward to the reward once I hit my study goal. Remember, it is a long race. Build stamina and restore.
Step two: My mind set. I remember meeting panicky, different energy classmates in law school. Heck, I am a high energy person myself. That was fine as a class mate but now was different. I had to form and protect a winning mindset for myself during this study phase. I was in this for me and my loved ones and would start by protecting my mindset with positive, good energy activities and people. No one’s advice about how to keep your mind set positive is as meaningful as your own self. Listen to your inner self. Be responsible for your own positive thoughts and calm.
Visualization. Another major aspect of the mind-set for me – which may not work for others – was visualization. I worked every day on seeing myself successfully finishing the Bar. I know it sounds silly but it really works. If you don’t believe me, watch an Olympian before an important race. Swimmers are a great example. Go Youtube it. They will stand there before the race with their eyes closed and move their bodies as if they are swimming the race. And it isn’t the first time they are doing this visualization thing. Winners of races visualize for weeks prior to a race. They visualize the end and they visualize each important part of it. It has worked for me for decades and it worked with exams and the Bar.
Step three: I choose Joy. My father let me carry his trial briefcase as a little boy. I used to pull a luggage cart with his trial binders with the other hand. I became a lawyer because of how my dad helps people achieve their goals or overcome obstacles in life. The look on my dad’s face and the look of his client, after a successful trial, is the look of exhaustion yes but it is also the look of joy. I went into law to have a joyful professional life. What about you? Channel why you are going to be a lawyer. Taking the bar was just another opportunity to explore the exhausting challenge of the profession and I was committed to doing the eight weeks in as joyful a way as possible. There are those that slug through any challenge and they finish well. And, that might be you. But there are those that study hard, eat well, play hard and kick the bar’s you know what and do it with a smile. That was me. I know it sounds silly but it can be done easily without strain. And it can be you too.
You’ve got two weeks before Bar-Bri starts – Get Ready to Launch!
GREGORY RUTCHIK Gregory passed the New York, Connecticut and California Bar’s – each the the first time. He also waived into DC on his MBE results. Gregory is a proud BAR BRI Alum. He is a 1992-1993 Fulbright Fellow at the University of Tokyo, a 1992 graduate of Temple University School of Law and 2005 LLM graduate in Tax Law from Golden Gate University. Gregory’s practice started in Silicon Valley at Cooley LLP and is now a mix of business development and lawyering for established family owned or closely held businesses. Gregory identifies and qualifies business partners for his clients and forms and designs their business structures, entities and agreements so his technology, real estate acquisition and even chocolate manufacturer clients can make, sell, distribute and protect their products. Gregory has also has litigated dozens of IP infringement cases in Federal Court. When not lawyering, he is a martial artist, a yogi, a writer of children’s books and helps high achievers whose anxiety and panic interrupts their performance. Gregory runs his blog www.thepanicproject.com and is based in Los Angeles.